Page 108: Your mission, should you choose to ignore it and run
Yes, we’re back. TENTATIVELY. By which I mean I’m going to try and proceed in a way where I don’t overwhelm myself and shut down, which as we all know, may possibly have happened once or twice maybe kind of.
So here’s what’s been going on for me lately:
- Some stressful times with the family. We had a couple of scares with some family members, and while I won’t really go into it I can just say it was tough around here. Everyone’s mostly okay now, and fingers crossed will stay that way for some time.
- We’re moving! Eventually. It won’t be for a while. Hiccups may occur when it happens.
- I’ve been working on my @#$%. …Not in a “SO EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL NOW :D:D:D” kind of way, I’ve just been… I’ve been talking to doctors and therapists and stuff about how much stuff overwhelms/terrifies me. I’m on anti-anxieties, which have taken the edge off of the daily issues, and I’ve been talking about stuff. I guess…progress is hard. I don’t know, I’m just trying to reprogram my brain and the way it feels about things. Part of me feels like “I should be trying harder” with this comic and that “it still isn’t good enough” and “I’m disappointing people by taking these breaks”. I feel like I gotta make excuses for why I can’t work on it as much as I want to, and why it’s constantly so hard to get anything done. But that’s not really something I believe anymore. It’s just old patterns left over from when I was more hurt than I am now. And I can’t just will these problems away, either, I have to grit my teeth and do the work again and again and again. Things are so much better than they used to be because I’ve worked my @$$ off to make them that way. I make the same promise now I made when I started this thing, and for the same reason: I will never stop trying to get better. Not just in the sense of telling the story, but also for me. I love this story and all the stories I want to one day tell, and I refuse to let some brain garbage stop me from spending as much of my life as is possible working on them.
Welcome back to Colour Wheel. I hope you enjoy the ride as much as I do.